We call it wallowing.

Wallowing... that’s what we call it. The overwhelming feeling of grief, heartbreak and the pain that goes with it of losing someone. The part where the tears and snot can’t come out hard enough and you’re hearts so hurt and broken that it feels like someone has actually taken it out of your chest, beat it with a mallet and then put it back for spite.

Fact is, you need to ‘wallow in it’ sometimes. Sometimes can be an hour a morning or a day even. But you can’t wallow in it every day. You have to find the good and Happy places and gravitate towards those places, those people, those activities.

"You need to take the time to Wallow in it.  But not every day.  You must move forward."

Me? I still have periods of wallowing. A FB Memory will pop up, (Many mornings I get a txt simply, ‘don’t look at FB memories today’), or I have a dream, or a deja vu, or run into a friend and the memories flood back, or a song on the radio (especially the songs). Sometimes you can control these micro-memories and put them all in their little ‘place’ where they don’t hurt too badly for a little while. But then, for me there’s the ‘straw’ and the dam of suppressed memories floods back and you need to wallow for a bit. It’s ok. It’s normal, it cleanses your soul. It’s like a good hard rain and everything looks fresh and new again for a while.

The oftenness of the wallowing is decreasing now for me. Holidays, birthdays, special days, or anniversaries of special occasions or events are when it usually gets me. Her birthday always gets me, April 6th losing her, and then Cowboy exactly two years later ALWAYS gets me.  But I get through them or past them and it’s getting better. They say time heals all wounds.  The wound can heal, but you're still left with a scar a hurt and a grief that never really goes away,  You actually need to let yourself remember. But you can’t do it every day. It’s you alone who has to make the mindset to let yourself grieve, be sad, cry, Wallow, let the tears and snot flow. Then ya gotta go on. Stick your mangled heart back where it belongs and March on.

We cant change the past, but we certainly can make the future better.

Just my two cents ... and ps... as a wise woman told me it gets worse before it gets better but it never goes away.