 Wallowing... that’s what we call it. The overwhelming feeling of grief, heartbreak and the pain that goes with it of losing someone. The part where the tears and snot can’t come out hard enough and you’re hearts so hurt and broken that it feels like someone has actually taken it out of your chest, beat it with a mallet and then put it back for spite. Fact is, you need to ‘wallow in it’ sometimes. Sometimes can be an hour a morning or a day even. But you can’t wallow in it every day. You have to find the good and Happy places and gravitate towards those places, those people, those activities. "You need to take the time to Wallow in it. But not every day. You must move forward." Me? I still have periods of wallowing. A FB Memory will pop up, (Many mornings I get a txt simply, ‘don’t look at FB memories today’), or I have a dream, or a deja vu, or run into a friend and the memories flood back, or a song on the radio (especially the songs). Sometimes you can control these micro-memories and put them all in their little ‘place’ where they don’t hurt too badly for a little while. But then, for me there’s the ‘straw’ and the dam of suppressed memories floods back and you need to wallow for a bit. It’s ok. It’s normal, it cleanses your soul. It’s like a good hard rain and everything looks fresh and new again for a while.
The oftenness of the wallowing is decreasing now for me. Holidays, birthdays, special days, or anniversaries of special occasions or events are when it usually gets me. Her birthday always gets me, April 6th losing her, and then Cowboy exactly two years later ALWAYS gets me. But I get through them or past them and it’s getting better. They say time heals all wounds. The wound can heal, but you're still left with a scar a hurt and a grief that never really goes away, You actually need to let yourself remember. But you can’t do it every day. It’s you alone who has to make the mindset to let yourself grieve, be sad, cry, Wallow, let the tears and snot flow. Then ya gotta go on. Stick your mangled heart back where it belongs and March on. We cant change the past, but we certainly can make the future better. Just my two cents ... and ps... as a wise woman told me it gets worse before it gets better but it never goes away.
5 Comments
Kim
11/8/2017 11:45:03 pm
This is spot on. Felicia we’ve never met but we have tons of mutual friends. I never knew your daughter but I remember the night of her tragic accident. And always thought a lot about your youngest daughter. When I was 16 I lost my 20 year old sister to a car accident. The pain never leaves. The scar never heals. It’s been 24 years and I still wallow. But each day we just learn to deal. And know that life has to go on. Even on the hardest days.
Sherri
11/9/2017 09:58:28 am
Saw this posted on Facebook - I lost my son February 2012 in an auto accident. I never really got the chance to grieve for him as you say "wallow" in it. Right away I was told to "stop wallowing in it," "move on" and "get over it." I jumped right back into life - all the responsibilities and sucked it up. But, I think if you don't let yourself experience the grief, I stays stronger. I think the healing began when I learned to say "it has a name, his name was Ben." Days sometimes weeks will go by that I never hear his name from anyone except maybe my husband. I long to hear someone say his name, just to remind me that he existed.
Beth Putman
4/6/2018 07:57:50 am
I only know you through Instagram yet you have touched me. I cannot even begin to imagine what that kind of loss is like. My heart always goes out to you when i feel even the slightest hint that she is in what you post or say. So please know that you are always in my prayers. Maybe someday soon I will be blessed with the opportunity to meet you. You are an inspiration to me.
Stacey Wolanek
4/6/2018 01:37:40 pm
This is such a great post! Praying that the “wallowing” decreases every day but that the great memories flood your soul! You are a great mom!!
Tom Kearney
2/21/2019 12:33:22 pm
I moved my mother in with my wife and i after mom retired. Took care of her for 6 years then cancer came to town. Mom tried so hard put up a good fight. 7 months mom was gone. This hit me so hard. I was devastated my mom I know people pass but I never thought she'd go anyways I cursed God real bad Tommy put the weight of the world on my shoulders he did the next three years were horrible for me almost died three times bunch of other stuff happened to but you know my heart was starting to hear a little bit I still miss her dearly it was just and my little brother left grandmas and grandpas and uncles are bees gone so memory that we thought we'd be there for each other forever he said one day he's going to take care of me when I get old he was my best friend. Every place I moved or any state that moved to my brother came there we're always together he lives with us about 3 weeks ago January 8th the car cut across the street and my brother died on his motorcycle I completely lost it so I'm a short time but I never felt pain like this ever in my life my heart hurts so bad I don't think they say dab of Time Heals all wounds but I don't think this will never go away like I said I'll send you start crying or you'll hear a song or did what day was or something always put you in the memory of the people you love I guess that's all I have to say except I don't think I'll ever get over this one rest in peace mom rest in peace my brother I love you so much and I miss you terribly Leave a Reply. |
Felicia Wheeler
Anyone can show up when you're happy. But the ones who stay by your side when your heart falls apart, they are your true friends. I have this man, we are this family. I am thankful and blessed. Archives
December 2018
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