the worst dreams are the ones where I dream that it was all a dream. That all is right in the world again, the ones where she’s back and it was all just a horrible nightmare. Last night was that night. But worse even.
Madi was back, she was fine. She just needed a really long nap. I was holding her and telling her how horrible it was. Especially when I dreamt that it was a dream and I had to wake up from the nightmare twice. I was telling her this in my dream when I work up. Cue tears...
Another question? What do you answer when people have you how many children you have. These days I say one. I have one child. It’s too weird to meet someone and have to explain it all, then their sorrow and lack of words makes an awkward silence.
Just some random weird thoughts for early on an otherwise happy Saturday morning, some of you may wonder why I post this personal stuff here. But it’s reality, and it’s why I do it all in the first place.
I think she’d be proud of me for what I’ve accomplished out of my grief. It’s ok to wallow, but you can’t wallow everyday. Get out and do something that makes a difference today. No matter how great or how small.
Happy Saturday y’all! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤
Wallowing... that’s what we call it. The overwhelming feeling of grief, heartbreak and the pain that goes with it of losing someone. The part where the tears and snot can’t come out hard enough and you’re hearts so hurt and broken that it feels like someone has actually taken it out of your chest, beat it with a mallet and then put it back for spite.
Fact is, you need to ‘wallow in it’ sometimes. Sometimes can be an hour a morning or a day even. But you can’t wallow in it every day. You have to find the good and Happy places and gravitate towards those places, those people, those activities.
"You need to take the time to Wallow in it. But not every day. You must move forward."
Me? I still have periods of wallowing. A FB Memory will pop up, (Many mornings I get a txt simply, ‘don’t look at FB memories today’), or I have a dream, or a deja vu, or run into a friend and the memories flood back, or a song on the radio (especially the songs). Sometimes you can control these micro-memories and put them all in their little ‘place’ where they don’t hurt too badly for a little while. But then, for me there’s the ‘straw’ and the dam of suppressed memories floods back and you need to wallow for a bit. It’s ok. It’s normal, it cleanses your soul. It’s like a good hard rain and everything looks fresh and new again for a while.
The oftenness of the wallowing is decreasing now for me. Holidays, birthdays, special days, or anniversaries of special occasions or events are when it usually gets me. Her birthday always gets me, April 6th losing her, and then Cowboy exactly two years later ALWAYS gets me. But I get through them or past them and it’s getting better. They say time heals all wounds. The wound can heal, but you're still left with a scar a hurt and a grief that never really goes away, You actually need to let yourself remember. But you can’t do it every day. It’s you alone who has to make the mindset to let yourself grieve, be sad, cry, Wallow, let the tears and snot flow. Then ya gotta go on. Stick your mangled heart back where it belongs and March on.
We cant change the past, but we certainly can make the future better.
Just my two cents ... and ps... as a wise woman told me it gets worse before it gets better but it never goes away.
i haven’t written anything in a while, mainly because I’ve been busy. But after the events that unfolded on Sunday in Vegas, I feel compelled to put my feelings somewhere where they can be shared. I don’t care if you agree, or disagree. Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one.
What happend end in Vegas is horrible. For 59 families, possibly more. Their loved one was taken away by a heartless cold blooded killer. For 500+ others who were
maimed or injured physically I am also sorry. For the 20+thousand in attendance, your lives have also been changed in a way that you never expected. For Jason Andean and the others on stage, just wow, along with the others not physically hurt, emotional scars are a real thing. A mad man casting round after round into a faceless crowd of people and will it ever stop? The police to find him and hence cease the raining of bullets as quickly as they did was amazing. He was obviously not expecting them to find him so quickly, and had many more thousands of rounds planned. To the people who were in the crowd who were able to help others - these are the ones to be proud of. All of this apparent hatred and division of color and party disappeared in Vegas. People helped people. Humans helped one another. People went out of their way to do the right thing in the face of such a tragedy. The truth of why and how regarding the madman will eventually come out. But the real truth came out in the late hours of Sunday evening and the wee hours of Monday morning. People do care. The media needs to stop, this country is going to implode if we don’t.
Are all Americans. Let’s act like it.
so I did a thing... it's on my hat, but it's got more uses than just that. It can be a headband, a boho hippie if you will headwrap, or even a necklace. It looks great on my cowboy hat, but would also look great on a big wide-brimmed sun hat. Plus it's just cool. Super cool.
A super cool ceramic bead toggles together the ends of hand-braided rolled leather laced with small freshwater pearls. The ends of the strands are adorned with beads, feathers, and beaded feather combinations. These are each unique and hold a variety of feathers from turkey, to pheasant to peacock and rooster and even guinea. Different, classy, cool, boho, hippie or whatever you want them to be. #takeawalkonthewildside for sure with this one!
So, my friend at Trailer Fash wanted some cool headbands. Well, she actually asked for them a long time ago, but I just got my rain wrapped around it over the last few days. Actually, they're awesome! I couldn't be happier with them.
They've got a great assortment of turkey, peacock, duck, pheasant, cock and partridge feathers. Each one is unique and different. Each one has its own "personality" from black tie affairs to brunch or shopping with your friends. This is a must have accessory for this summer!
Find them at Trailer Fash on king street above Christian Michi at the corner of King and Market, or st one of her pop-ups at the horse shows over the summer!
Want something custom? Shoot me an email firstname.lastname@example.org
the latest bow ties. The first one in the group is a "jr sized" tie, for a "jr sized guy". Most of these are trophy ties for super cool guys! ❤️❤️❤️
Please contact me at email@example.com for custom inquiries.
My favorite time of day. When the crickets are doing their thing. The baits rolling in or out, meat of some sort is usually on the grill and the whippoorwills are calling to each other. Make it a safe weekend y'all. We don't need to lose anymore of the ones we love.
Lots of peeps will be on the water, at the beach or at pool parties. Make sure you and yours stay safe, but most of all get back home safe. It's not just your dog who will miss you.
ive learned over the past couple of weeks that no matter what momma told you, that hard work, pride in your work, ethical work ethics and treating someone you work for like family and taking care of their needs doesn't always pay off. Somehow. Lies. Deceit. Incapable hiring and management skills and The inability to do your job and to undermine and blame and lie about others for your lack of said skill set is what prevails these days. I'm pretty disgusted with the whole situation, and come to find out it's just a ploy to get the liars bff a job and housing, really? Have it, own it. I've actually been able to spend time with B. Enjoy our life and home and new porch. Have other conversations, other than that property, and how many things really need to be done and how people F the owner over and just run him over and over again, but also, apparently he has no man parts.😣😣😣
I'm also thankful. I don't have to sweat my ass off and ruin my skin in the fields every morning for someone who also f*##%d my stepfather over years ago.I get to agin focus on my art and creativity. I get to have my mornings to myself in the shop with Chris Stapleton and now one of my new clients Jeremiah Johnson, for sure he will be on A new Pandora station I create tomorrow morning.
#lifeisnotallglitterandponies #delusional #ithoughtthemanwassmarter #noballsnohope #pussybutnotthecatone
Theres nothing quite like the smell of pluff
mud, salt water and oysters in the morning. We are so blessed and fortunate to have this view and serenity on the lower Leadenwah.
To wake to to the smells of the creek and the sounds of birds chirping, donkeys braying, roosters crowing over morning coffee starts my day out on such a peaceful note.
Life is what hat you make of it. Daily. Either you can make it difficult or make it wonderful. You can choose to dwell on things you can't control or have no control of, or you can move forward. You can wallow in your pain or grief or sadness or anger, or you can let it go. Personally, I've done a lot of "wallowing in grief" but with good reason. Today though is going to be amazing, and it all started with pluff mud, salt water and oysters. Oh, and a wee little spotted fawn in the front yard ❤️❤️❤️
Out of the depths of my sadness of last week, some these special beauties...
The first for my bff's son, for his first prom. Definitely more of an athlete than a "bow tie" guy, this beauty he designed for himself (more blue than green) but still with the outdoors wood duck look.
The middle - a custom trophy blue winged teal for a very special wedding. The lucky couple follows the insta page, and wanted something to compliment her flower choice, the hydrangea (personal favorite of mine as well). Her guy is not a bow tie guy, but agreed to wear one for their special day "if it was one of mine" I could NOT be more honored!!! Can't wait to see their wedding photos, I know the blues and greys in this trophy tie will look fabulous for their special day.
The last, because I can. Because my creative spark wasn't quite finished for the day, and I still had the feathers out on my workbench.
I'm so very lucky to have a talent for creating things for people for special times, and special gifts.
Next up... "I do" x 7. Stay Tuned
Anyone can show up when you're happy. But the ones who stay by your side when your heart falls apart, they are your true friends. I have this man, we are this family. I am thankful and blessed.