Sometimes people don’t realize how much what they say really takes a hold of others on a certain day in a certain situation. Today, I literally MADE myself go to the gym. I had a horrible trip down memory lane last night and my heart and soul ached and the tears and snot flowed as one. This morning, eyes almost swollen shut I woke up and thought to myself. I can stay here and wallow, or I can get my butt out of the house and do something for me. The person I do the least actually for. So I did. Little bit of cover up under the eyes hid the darkness a bit and hopefully lessened the GOT look. And I went. TRX - we kicked each others butts. But YOGA, the resilience theme meant to speak of muscles really struck home.

Those of us dealing with loss, and heartbreak and the holidays and daily life must be resilient. We must bounce back, albeit to the ‘new normal’ place, not the pre-tragedy place, no matter how, and some days it may be crawling or clawing or baby steps or by whatever means it takes.

In this ‘new normal’ each day you wake up again from a nightmare. The same one over and over again. Each and every day. Well, not me, I actually most nights have real nightmares where Madi is still alive, and then in my dream I realize she’s not, then I wake up and have to go through it all twice. To be quite honest, those days are the worst days ever. Those are the days I create things. Lots of things usually. #whyimakethethings

My resolution for 2019 and beyond is to take better care of me. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I wish the same for you. Remember to take care of you first, because that makes you more able to take care of the ones you love.

Resilience, and letting a few tears roll down your cheeks when they need to, a few fell down mine today and I was thankful for the new hoodie to cover my face in the final rest 🤷🏼‍♀️😉🙏🏼

~Namaste & thanks, Barbara

Boca Grande, to us its the tarpon fishing wonderland. The playground of the elite during the winter months, or “social season” but during the summer months, it’s mostly abandoned and boarded up in case of a hurricane... we love it down there, and even tho it’s hot, it’s not as hot as Wadmalaw Island.

This year we managed to escape down that way for a week. Enough time for both of us to relax and wind down. To spend mornings fishing or exploring, lazy afternoons enjoying nap time or reading or just lounging, and the evenings enjoying culinary delight after delight.. and ending most evenings with chocolate martinis!  But the main reason we were down that way was the tarpon, the silver king, the poon... I’ve never seen so many in my life. Literally thousands rolling and gulping air. We could see them so well on Capt Mark Bennett’s Hummingbird Minn Kota. It was amazing how clear you could see the images and the detail on that thing (now of course B wants one, lol).  The 15" Mega is the real deal.

Anyhow, back to fishing.  B was the first to ‘hook up’ with one. About a 70#'er.

B, being an amazing fisherman himself, was easily able to get this one to the boat, snagged a quick photo and then a clean release. 

Then it was my turn. I asked Capt Mark to make sure he hooked a "little one" for me. Well, he doesn’t listen, and soon I found myself with a 120# Fish at the other end of my line. You’ve never felt anything like the pull of a tarpon. It’s like trying to pull a school bus off the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico. And they fight!! Holy💩 do they fight. B actually was holding onto my pants so I wouldn’t get pulled overboard 😂😂😂

After about 20 minutes or so and I couldn’t feel my arms, B helped me for a bit. Then I tried some more and let me tell you. When they jump and get new air and a new lease on life. It’s on like donkey Kong again , the line zings against the drag and they’re another 1000’ away. Anyhow between the two of us, B finally got him to the boat and Jenni got some amazing photos (actually the one of us with the tarpon is one of my all-time favorites.  The feeling of catching your first one of these pre-historic fish is overwhelming and amazing.  #imhookednow for sure!  We also had a nice, clean release on this one. 

B has been fishing with Capt. Mark & Jenni for over 20 years now, sometimes they're like #brothersfromanothermother.  There are always lots of great stories, some about fishing, some about life, they always catch tons of fish, and Jenni is an awesome first mate and photographer.  Details & Links at bottom of blog post. 

If you want to fish with them, my suggestion is that you book early.  He fills up FAST.... and make sure to ask him about his shoes!  lol

Our second favorite thing about BG is the FOOD!!!!  Always amazing, delicious, and most have a great view, or a great story behind them.  We ate at Millers Dockside the first night, which is a tradition.  On the waterway, and at the marina.  The tuna tacos were delicious.  Night 2 at the beach, to watch the sunset at South Beach Grill, where we left our mark on the directional sign of 531 Miles back to Wadmalaw along with several others.  Night 3, PJ's Seaside Grill, which was delicious, but we were informed that this was our last meal there, as they were closing after 31 years. Night 4 Third Street Bistro.  So delicious,  grilled shrimp cocktail and out of this world fish.  Super cute little restaurant.  Definitely going back there.  Night 5, "The Temp", aka The Temptation.  always outstanding.  and our last night tradition... "The Pink" aka The Pink Elephant.   Simply amazing, the service here is the best on the island.  We had some great servers during the week, but here, it's top notch. Here are some photos (when I remembered to take them) 

And for a few random shots of the interesting sights and the streetscape... and we ended up taking the "big rig" down there, talk about country come to town, and we don't smoke, but lol, how long has it been since you've seen one of these babies?  the Temp has one by the bathrooms. 

All the deets...

Place:  Boca Grande, FL  26˚ 44'56" N 82˚ 15'43 W
Charter Captain:  Capt Mark Bennett www.tarponsnook.com
Tarpon Fishing Photos: Jenni Bennet www.jennibennett.com
Accommodations: www.BocaGrandeVacations.com

But most of all, thanks, B for another great trip to Boca Grande, and sharing your love of fishing (especially tarpon now), and this crazy fun filled life we have with me!! 💕

Why slap 'yo Momma?  Cause it's that good.  Here's what you'll need to craft this masterpiece:

 First you start with raw chicken, either bone in, or boneless, and if you want to add some dark meat too, do it!  But do not use canned chicken.  I only say this because one time someone asked me what brand I got in the can. Ummmm??? Chickens do not come in a can, and neither does this chicken salad recipe.  It comes from the heart. 

So first things first, you boil the chickens. I usually bring mine to a hard boil, and then reduce it a bit, and if you spoon off  that nasty white foam is froths out, you can save whats left as clarified chicken broth, if you don't spoon if off tho, you end up with all the fat and icky stuff so just throw it away.  I usually cook my chickens at a pretty good simmer for about an hour.  Til they fall apart, or fall off the bone.  Next you chop your chickens.  Chop them as good as you can.  But do NOT put them in a food processor.  It kills the texture. It should look like this:

Next I separate the nuts, if you can't find this mixture, it's UNSALTED almonds, cashews and dried cranberries.  Separate the nuts and the berries.  Smash the nuts in a baggie with a meat pounder, and then chop the cranberries up some, like this:

 Next add about a Teaspoon of fresh grated ginger.  I usually use fresh and peel it and chop it, but our local store was out of fresh, so this looked to be a decent replacement (and it wasn't disappointing).  Then chop some cilantro and add that too. 

Thats about it, except for adding some mayo and sour cream.  I add a little more sour cream than mayo, but do it to your taste.  You can also add a bit of salt & pepper at this point. 

Then just mix it all up, make sure you're happy with the outcome, maybe add a little more of something to your taste and enjoy! But please, don't slap yo momma.... she brought you into this world, and she can take you out! 

the worst dreams are the ones where I dream that it was all a dream. That all is right in the world again, the ones where she’s back and it was all just a horrible nightmare. Last night was that night. But worse even.

Madi was back, she was fine. She just needed a really long nap. I was holding her and telling her how horrible it was. Especially when I dreamt that it was a dream and I had to wake up from the nightmare twice. I was telling her this in my dream when I work up. Cue tears...

Another question? What do you answer when people have you how many children you have. These days I say one. I have one child. It’s too weird to meet someone and have to explain it all, then their sorrow and lack of words makes an awkward silence.

Just some random weird thoughts for early on an otherwise happy Saturday morning, some of you may wonder why I post this personal stuff here. But it’s reality, and it’s why I do it all in the first place.

I think she’d be proud of me for what I’ve accomplished out of my grief. It’s ok to wallow, but you can’t wallow everyday. Get out and do something that makes a difference today. No matter how great or how small.

Happy Saturday y’all! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤

Wallowing... that’s what we call it. The overwhelming feeling of grief, heartbreak and the pain that goes with it of losing someone. The part where the tears and snot can’t come out hard enough and you’re hearts so hurt and broken that it feels like someone has actually taken it out of your chest, beat it with a mallet and then put it back for spite.

Fact is, you need to ‘wallow in it’ sometimes. Sometimes can be an hour a morning or a day even. But you can’t wallow in it every day. You have to find the good and Happy places and gravitate towards those places, those people, those activities.

Me? I still have periods of wallowing. A FB Memory will pop up, (Many mornings I get a txt simply, ‘don’t look at FB memories today’), or I have a dream, or a deja vu, or run into a friend and the memories flood back, or a song on the radio (especially the songs). Sometimes you can control these micro-memories and put them all in their little ‘place’ where they don’t hurt too badly for a little while. But then, for me there’s the ‘straw’ and the dam of suppressed memories floods back and you need to wallow for a bit. It’s ok. It’s normal, it cleanses your soul. It’s like a good hard rain and everything looks fresh and new again for a while.

The oftenness of the wallowing is decreasing now for me. Holidays, birthdays, special days, or anniversaries of special occasions or events are when it usually gets me. Her birthday always gets me, April 6th losing her, and then Cowboy exactly two years later ALWAYS gets me.  But I get through them or past them and it’s getting better. They say time heals all wounds.  The wound can heal, but you're still left with a scar a hurt and a grief that never really goes away,  You actually need to let yourself remember. But you can’t do it every day. It’s you alone who has to make the mindset to let yourself grieve, be sad, cry, Wallow, let the tears and snot flow. Then ya gotta go on. Stick your mangled heart back where it belongs and March on.

We cant change the past, but we certainly can make the future better.

Just my two cents ... and ps... as a wise woman told me it gets worse before it gets better but it never goes away.

i haven’t written anything in a while, mainly because I’ve been busy. But after the events that unfolded on Sunday in Vegas, I feel compelled to put my feelings somewhere where they can be shared. I don’t care if you agree, or disagree. Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one.

What happend end in Vegas is horrible. For 59 families, possibly more. Their loved one was taken away by a heartless cold blooded killer. For 500+ others who were
maimed or injured physically I am also sorry. For the 20+thousand in attendance, your lives have also been changed in a way that you never expected. For Jason Andean and the others on stage, just wow, along with the others not physically hurt, emotional scars are a real thing. A mad man casting round after round into a faceless crowd of people and will it ever stop? The police to find him and hence cease the raining of bullets as quickly as they did was amazing. He was obviously not expecting them to find him so quickly, and had many more thousands of rounds planned. To the people who were in the crowd who were able to help others - these are the ones to be proud of. All of this apparent hatred and division of color and party disappeared in Vegas. People helped people. Humans helped one another. People went out of their way to do the right thing in the face of such a tragedy. The truth of why and how regarding the madman will eventually come out. But the real truth came out in the late hours of Sunday evening and the wee hours of Monday morning. People do care. The media needs to stop, this country is going to implode if we don’t.

Are all Americans. Let’s act like it.

so I did a thing... it's on my hat, but it's got more uses than just that. It can be a headband, a boho hippie if you will headwrap, or even a necklace. It looks great on my cowboy hat, but would also look great on a big wide-brimmed sun hat. Plus it's just cool. Super cool.

A super cool ceramic bead toggles together the ends of hand-braided rolled leather laced with small freshwater pearls. The ends of the strands are adorned with beads, feathers, and beaded feather combinations. These are each unique and hold a variety of feathers from turkey, to pheasant to peacock and rooster and even guinea. Different, classy, cool, boho, hippie or whatever you want them to be. #takeawalkonthewildside for sure with this one!

So, my friend at Trailer Fash wanted some cool headbands. Well, she actually asked for them a long time ago, but I just got my rain wrapped around it over the last few days. Actually, they're awesome! I couldn't be happier with them.

They've got a great assortment of turkey, peacock, duck, pheasant, cock and partridge feathers. Each one is unique and different. Each one has its own "personality" from black tie affairs to brunch or shopping with your friends. This is a must have accessory for this summer!

Find them at Trailer Fash on king street above Christian Michi at the corner of King and Market, or st one of her pop-ups at the horse shows over the summer!

Want something custom? Shoot me an email felicia@wadmalawwildties.com

the latest bow ties. The first one in the group is a "jr sized" tie, for a "jr sized guy". Most of these are trophy ties for super cool guys! ❤️❤️❤️

Please contact me at felicia@wadmalawwildties.com for custom inquiries.

My favorite time of day. When the crickets are doing their thing. The baits rolling in or out, meat of some sort is usually on the grill and the whippoorwills are calling to each other. Make it a safe weekend y'all. We don't need to lose anymore of the ones we love.

Lots of peeps will be on the water, at the beach or at pool parties. Make sure you and yours stay safe, but most of all get back home safe. It's not just your dog who will miss you.